a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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