Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
