he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize