Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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