i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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