I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize