First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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