yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
