i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
