I wannas sexs uuuuu
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
