if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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