haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
