I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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