My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
