Where is the hickey?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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