just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize