also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
