I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
