last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
