Ketchup is God's man juice
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
