I hate your face
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
