I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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