It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
