It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I should be sponsored by Trojan
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
