the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
