He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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