How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
