It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
