Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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