Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize