i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize