yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
