Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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