i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
