We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
