Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
