Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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