she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
