If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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