That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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