i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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