I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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