He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
