Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
