Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
