I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
All I want is dick and wine.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
