He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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