You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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