I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
