the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize