i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
