ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
