I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I need moral support for this bender
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize