I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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