Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
