dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
