dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
