ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
