She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
