The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize