my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
