i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize