Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
