The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
