Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
