you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
