Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
