there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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