did you get engaged???
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
