How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
