Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
