all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
