my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
