If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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