Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
