You're so nebulous sometimes
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
