____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
