For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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