I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
