Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
