i don't like sucking hair
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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