You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
